Crazy Runner Chick

May 1, 2011

A Little Less Than Perfect

It is hard to explain why I am not completely happy with my final surgery. It isn't that it doesn't look good. They do look good, but I wanted perfect. I know better than to expect perfect, but after going through a year of hell, I figured I might get a little more than "good".

I came up with an analogy (mostly for guys) for those of you that don't quite get where I am coming from.... so here it is...

Let's say you decided that one year from now you are going to enter a triathlon. You want more than anything to win, and you figure it is an obtainable goal. You are willing to do whatever it takes to win, so you get a professional trainer and start training every day. You change your diet and eat nothing but healthy natural foods, you avoid fast food and turn down yummy desserts.

The day of the race finally comes, and you are expecting great things from yourself, because you know you have worked hard to achieve your goal. As you are warming up on your bike, you crash and bend your derailleur. The derailleur is hanging a little lower than it should, so the bike mechanic says that he can fix it, or you can use your mountain bike as a backup, but your mountain bike has two flat tires, and even if you fixed them, it would be slow. You decide that you will have them try to fix the derailleur. It is fixed, but the bike mechanic says don't put too much pressure on it when you are switching gears, because it might break again.
You aren't super happy, but at least you are still in the race. After all that, your trainer comes up to you a hands you a thong. You look at him like he has lost his mind. "What is this for?" you ask.
"That is for the swim portion of the triathlon" he replies. "It will help keep everything in place, and make you swim faster."
You are a little on edge because of the bike problem, so you understandably throw it at his head and tell him to wear the &%*@ dental floss.
The race finally starts and you finish with a really good time, but you didn't win. You are a little pissed off because it was your goal to win and you didn't, therefore you lose.

The End.

So, even though the twins look good, they aren't perfect. I am sure that I will get over it, but it just seemed like for an entire year I was looking towards this one "goal" and I didn't reach it. Normally I wouldn't care whether or not I even had breasts. It really isn't about the boobs. It is more about looking forward to getting something, then being told you can't have it.... "I know you REALLY wanted this Harley Davidson, but will the 250 Honda Scooter work for you?"

Do you get it?!!!

May 1, 2011

All Done...

The surgery went well, I was home by 1pm. I didn't have any pain, except for a sore throat from the anesthesia... go figure. Maybe if I had a little pain, I would slow down a bit. It is hard to stay still when it doesn't hurt. I didn't swim, bike or run, I just did a 4 mile walk... I want to go easy.

So, hopefully everything will stay where it is supposed to, and I can get back to "normal" in a month or so.

I am getting my chemo port out on Monday, then I have a follow-up visit with the oncologist in March, from there, I guess it will just be occasional check ups, blood work and MRIs.

May 1, 2011

Surgery Day

I am going in this morning at 5am for what will hopefully be the final surgery. I can't have coffee, so I am sitting here with a cup of coffee grounds, that I lift up and occaisionally inhale.... hey whatever works, right?

Since I ripped the one side out, and it feels to me like it is hanging down to my belly button, the plastic surgeon will be using a "lift kit" to try to bring it up and try to make it even with the other side. The physician looked at me and said "Susan, it isn't hanging down to your belly button." He proceeded to get a ruler and measure the distance it was off from the other one. It was about an inch, but it seems to me more like 3 feet. He said that one of the options would be to lower the left side to match the right side. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??? This is the only thing that I have had to actually look forward to throughout the entire year, that I was going to get new improved boobs, and you are telling me to compromise.... NO FLIPPING WAY!
I was ready to rip it out and start over if that is what it was going to take, but he said that he though he could do a decent job of bringing the left side up. He said it is more difficult, but doable.

So, I guess you consider it as my water breaking! (You know, get it? The expanders are filled with water) And I will be bringing home the twins today. I will have to let you know if they are colicky.

Oh, and one more thing.... the doc banned me from any strenuous physical activity for 6 WEEKS! No Swimming, running, biking.... he said I could walk. He said that he tells most of his patients 2 weeks, but for some crazy reason, he thinks I would over do it.... hmm, wonder why?

May 1, 2011

Helga and Gertrude...

I am going to have my FINAL reconstructive surgery on February 10, 2009, almost one year to the date that I found my "lump". I have decided that I am going to name my new implants Helga and Gertrude, then I can lovingly refer to them as "the twins".

I have been checking out sizes, so now when somebody asks what size I am getting, I look at them and say "Yours look good, can I see them?" ... this only works when it is a female asking me the question. (Most of the time anyway, I have seen a few guys that have bigger breasts than I do.) I have even asked a couple people to come to the office with me, so I can say "this is what I want". I can't believe they turn me down.

I am really ready to be done with spending my life in a doctor's office. It isn't that I don't like my doctors, I do, but I really hate waiting in the office, especially if I don't have a really good book... which brings me to my vision...

My eyesight in the last year went for "so so", to "why do they write things this small?" I got my eyes checked, and she said I need "readers"... What? That is what OLD people wear! I guess I am going to have to give in and get some. I think purple with yellow polka-dots would be nice.

Next time I write, hopefully I can tell you about the new "twins". :)

May 1, 2011

No Sugar Added...

I realize that I haven't blogged for several days. I hear from people that I don't see on a daily basis that they keep up to date by reading my blog, so I guess it is only fair to write something.

I was getting REALLY tired during the day, so I decided to implement some diet changes to see if it would help. The first thing I did was eradicate, (NO NOT COFFEE) sugar from my diet. I completely cut out anything processed with sugar. Including soda and imitation sugar products. I figured I would cut out EVERYTHING just to make it easier. I did this the week before Christmas... do you KNOW how many sugary products are around at Christmas!!!? It wasn't easy... I did have a half of a piece a fudge or chocolate per day. This is the first time that chocolate products have lasted more than two days in our house. I actually still have some chocolate covered coffee beans from a month ago. That has NEVER happened!

Breakfast hasn't been easy. Have you ever tasted oatmeal without sugar? It's disgusting! Take a look at the list of ingredients on your cereal box. The second ingredient in most cereals is some form of sugar, including the so called "healthy" cereals. I know, fruit is good.....

I have had a lot more energy during the day. I am still exhausted after dinner, but I think that has more to do with getting up at 3:am, not my diet. I eventually want to cut back on my coffee intake... I actually have. I am down to one pot of coffee per day. :) And I want to increase the water I drink. I think that would really make a difference.

Anybody want to join me??? It would be fun! We can call it the "Winter Sugar Challenge".

May 1, 2011

Can you say "Cantaloupe"?

I got my breast expanders filled. I would give you the cc amount, but that would be meaningless to most people, so....
......go to the grocery store and pick up a medium size cantaloupe, cut that in half. When you cut it, make sure you are off just a little (because they aren't even), hold those up to your chest. You want half of the cantaloupe under your armpit and a two inch gap in the middle of your cantaloupes. Real SEXY huh? Now... try and get your Speedo on and go to the pool and see if anybody notices that your breasts just doubled. I still don't understand why women would purposely do this to themselves. Could somebody please explain?

Hopefully I will only have one more expansion, then I can go in and get the permanent implants. I have to wait for the skin to stretch, so it won't be until I will February or March. Then I can get my face taken care of, because I am afraid I will probably fall on my face if he fills them much more.

I am going to think positive... when I get done, my speed in the pool should double. They are kind of like a built in "drag suit".

Okay... I am off to go swimming!

May 1, 2011

Back to Palm Springs

I had a follow up visit with the oncologist in Palm Springs yesterday. It went well. My labs are back to normal. The results of the tumor markers weren't back, so that is the only thing that I don't know yet. I have to go back in March for a MRI and check up.

I really haven't felt like writing.... it seems too depressing, so I don't do it... sorry.

Updates:

I have been staying busy with the swim team
My hair is growing like crazy ( a little faster than normal it seems)
My eyebrows need plucking and my eyelashes are back
I hate hot flashes - It is kind of like being locked in a dry sauna with no way out.
I think I got used to the bald look... and no hair drying! I think if I keep on coaching 5 year olds, I won't have to worry about having any hair.
I am finally working on something for myself.... check it out! www.swimmerdecals.com

That is all... Merry Christmas!

May 1, 2011

Post Surgery

I thought I was doing pretty well on Thursday, but I started to run a fever that lasted through last night. I didn't have any pain from the surgery, but I was wiped out from the fever, and I am assuming that just by the way I feel, my blood count probably dropped again. I am having excessive hot flashes, but no fever so far today.

I started my Tomoxifen yesterday, so that may be why I am having hot flashes again. They started to subsided last week, so I wasn't experiencing them constantly. It was a nice change of pace.... almost back to "normal".

I guess everybody is correct, that you have to get a new "normal". I just wish that I could settle down long enough to know what that is.

I find it a bit odd, that whenever I don't feel well, my taste buds revert to "Hawaiian shaved ice, cotton candy,ginger ale, chicken strips and instant mashed potatoes with gravy". What is THAT all about?

BTW- My hair on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes are coming in quite rapidly. No underarm hair growth yet... yeah!

May 1, 2011

I Don't Want to Go Rick....

I had to get up before midnight to do my pre-surgery ritual of drinking the last cup of coffee. If you have ever experienced a caffeine withdrawal headache, you would understand.

When I talked with the surgeon on Monday, he was originally going to replace both expanders, then when he examined me, he said he was just going to replace the one that leaked. Hopefully he will stick with that. I am going in at 7:30 a.m., my surgery is scheduled for 9:30 a.m.. I am going to bring my Ipod and a book just in case I have to wait 8 hours, only this time, I am not putting the stupid ted hose on until they wheel me to the waiting area, and I am keeping my underwear on.

I decided to return to Palm Springs for my follow-up care. I just feel that they are more knowledgeable there, and they know who I am. Even after 5 months, the receptionist and nurse both remembered me after only meeting me one time. The receptionist said, "Oh yeah, how did your husbands picketing go during the surgery?" I had told her he was going to hold up a sign that said "Save the Nipples!" I am not sure if that is how I want people to remember me, but she did remember! The girls in the office in Havasu saw me every other week for 4 months, and they still don't know who I am. And, I can't guarantee it, but I bet the doctor doesn't get me confused with another patient.

BTW- My hair is growing quite fast, and my eyebrows and eyelashes are filling in. Hopefully I will have enough hair soon so that my swimmers will stop calling me "Coach Russ".

*Note- the title was borrowed from an SNL skit. Hailey and Brittney say that all the time.

May 1, 2011

"Do Not Wash in Hot Water"

They forgot to give me the instructions for the expanders. They didn't tell me they would shrink if I washed them in hot water. I guess I shouldn't have taken that hot shower!
Actually, the truth is, when the doctor filled it the needle punctured the expander, so I "sprung a leak" on one side and I am now back to a crinkly, sagging bumpy lump of flesh for a boob. It is quite attractive if you are into that sort of thing. I am quite lopsided- it looks GREAT in a swimsuit....not! I wonder if the new Speedo competition suit would take care of that.

So, anyway, I have to go in for another surgery next week to replace the expander.

To top things off, my computer crashed the same time my boob did, so I took that to my computer guy to get it fixed.(My computer) Too bad he doesn't fix expanders.... "Here, do you think you can fix this to?"
He doesn't think I lost any of my data, which would be good, because I am not the best at backing up my stuff. I backed up a lot of it, but not everything. I think I am way beyond the point of crying... I am too numb to care. But I did learn not to ask "What Else?" I did that, and the contents of the top shelf in my cabinet landed on my head.

On a positive note, my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes are coming back quickly. I have a "5 o'clock shadow" that the kids at swim enjoy "petting". They had better watch out, sometimes I bite.

Crazy Runner Chick This is life..Hold on tight!